i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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