Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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