I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
