miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
