How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
