He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You took a bar mat shot.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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