Apparently you make a good broom.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
