I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
