??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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