i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
