He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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