Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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