If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
