I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
