omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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