Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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