new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
