I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
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Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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