I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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