If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
