Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
