I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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