i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
