At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
