Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
