my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
