You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
