i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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