I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
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She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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