1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
