i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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