youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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