He is an equal opportunity slut.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
