We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
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Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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