i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
