You work out of a Hotel?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
