I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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