The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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