My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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