she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
