I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
