I just saw a hot homeless man
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
