ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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