dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize