Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
