i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
