I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
