oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
