god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
