im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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