you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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