I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
