just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.