Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
My throat feels like a candle.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.