We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
