I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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