I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
