thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
