Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
