If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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