haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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