I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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